Freshman Year: A Zoobie’s Guide to Survival
Anything but typical, Brigham Young University and its unique inhabitants rest smack-dab in the middle of scenic Provo, Utah. Being a religious institution, there are many different reasons that you may have chosen to pursue higher education at BYU: pressure from youth leaders, your parents met on campus and your only hope at finding that one eternal companion is to attend this university, Jimmer Fredette, or the increasingly popular response that you’re “not really sure” why you chose Zoobieville as your future Alma mater. Whatever your justification, the fact of the matter is that you have chosen BYU and all of its quirks as your habitat for the next unknown amount of years. Fortunately, you are not forging the path first, or alone, and many wise, well-versed intellectuals have gone before you and can share their wealth of knowledge of how to get the most out of your Freshman year experience at Brigham Young University.
The first thing many unknowing freshmen focus their hardwired stress on is where they should live for their first year here. Though living off-campus is an option, freshmen are typically encouraged to live in the provided on-campus housing, of which there are three diverse options. The first, largest, and most typical college housing is Helaman Halls. These dormitory style buildings are gender-specific, house a couple hundred residents per building, are equipped with beds, sinks, desks, a community bathroom in each hall, and do not have kitchens; therefore, residents there are required to activate a meal plan where they can eat at the nearby Cannon Center: an all-you-can-eat buffet style cafeteria located in the center of Helaman Halls. If cooking isn’t your cup of tea, you enjoy being close to campus, and you typically consider yourself a quite social person, provided food and an interactive restroom scene may be the selling points for your decision to live in Helaman Halls.
The next option is to live in Heritage Halls. These apartment style buildings allow for nearly 75 residents total. Each apartment contains a kitchen, private bathroom, as well as the regular amenities. Closest to campus with a very welcoming feel, Heritage Halls is perfect for any of those looking to save a little money, stay in the social scene, and get the full living-on-your-own experience. (For details on this year’s addition of the New Heritage buildings—AKA Hogwarts—simply Google search “Park City Hotel Interior.”)
The last option is to live in Wyview Park. What used to be married and family housing is now freshman housing located just near Brigham’s Landing about 3 blocks North-East of campus. Rumor has it that the apartments there are fairly nice and new, and have comfortable couches. Unfortunately, the small number of residents and the extreme distance factor have made it nearly impossible to gain accurate information on the satisfaction rate of living there.
After you’ve sealed your fate with a $500 deposit fee and a quick roommate Facebook stalk, your next daunting task is to choose classes. Reality suggests that about %0.0078 of freshmen actually know what their major will be, and about half of that percentage will change their major from their predetermined one. Your safest bet is to take mostly General Education credits, one or two “exploration” classes, and hope and pray that your sleeping habits don’t reflect those of so many before you who slept through every American Heritage lecture and are retaking the devil’s course as a super senior. Sadly enough, even hoping and praying will not be enough to regulate your sleeping habits, and you’ll eventually come to terms with this.
Though these are very important decisions, the one question on every freshman’s mind is “who will I date?” If you are a young man planning to attend a semester or two before serving a mission, your expectations are big, but your options are limited. Ideally, you’d like to find “the one.” Whether in one of your classes, or your YSA ward, she’ll be there—radiant and glowing like you’ve always imagined—and she’ll immediately be in love with you. You’ll spend every possible moment together (within Honor Code hours, of course), and as your time nears its end, you’ll tell her you can’t live without her and, naturally, she’ll wait for you while you serve in some third-world country. When you get back, the engagement will come within a month and you’ll be married before you know it. Simple enough, right? Well, it would be, if the young ladies coming in didn’t have a different ideal way that their dating life will play out.
The young ladies will come in and, for the first time, the male gender isn’t interested in things below their standards. The boy-craziness gets crazier and perspective is about as broad as the clear blue sky. The one insignificant species that is unfortunate enough to not be included in this is the rare Premissionous Maleocculous, otherwise known as Pre-Mi’s. Dating one of those only leads to a few unfortunate things: 1. The “I’m just trying to focus on my mission” breakup talk, 2. The “We should break up before I leave” breakup talk, or 3. The “please put your life on hold for two years for me” agreement talk, none of which are appealing options to young ladies in a campus of 15,000 Return Missionaries looking for a steady relationship.
The take home message from these two scenarios? Freshman year will forever, and always, be horrible for dating. Exercise patience, go on fun dates, and hold out for sophomore year.
It’s undeniable that there are many quirks to the life one takes on when attending Brigham Young University. Luckily, you are not alone, there are counseling centers on campus for those who cannot handle it at times, and, like all other awkward and strange things, this too shall pass.
